I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
