I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Are we still banned from the library?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
