So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
