We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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