Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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