so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am naked and annoyed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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