There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
