Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
