Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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