Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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