So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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