shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
