From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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