Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
