I feel great
I just peed on a car
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
