you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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