he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
