This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
