new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
