Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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