In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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