first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
be right there i have to get my cape
If I die, sorry about rent.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
