don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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