guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
