I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
