perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
