You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
