its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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