about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
