don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
