Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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