I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
