I think I died a long time ago.
one two three fourrrrnication!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
