Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
