So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
