I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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