I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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