he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
