We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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