She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
