Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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