i don't really know how much tequila is too much
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
