You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
