I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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