How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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