If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
