He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
