Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's shark week go big or go home
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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