I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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