I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
