Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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